Mother Nature is a tricky sod and sometimes well laid plans don’t always go the way you want. So instead of the planned 2 years in between our babies we ended up with nearly 5. That was ok. (Well it wasn’t but it is now and alls well that ends well!)
Being almost 5 years old meant Rhys was very aware of what was going on. And so Martyn and I thought very carefully about how to handle the pregnancy announcement. One thing we both felt strongly about was that Rhys was never to feel pushed out or like he was being replaced. We made the conscious decision that this was as much his news as ours.
Looking back this decision was key-almost genius *self high-fiving* (does anyone else do that? It’s oddly satisfying!) I can’t take the credit however as it was Martyn who decided it should be Rhys that announced our pregnancy to family and friends. We didn’t want it to be that ‘we were having a new baby’ we wanted it to be that ‘Rhys was having a baby sister or brother.’
I will never forget how pleased he was to hear we were having a baby. He had been asking for a brother or sister for a year or so and had even resorted to calling our pet pooch Bailey his ‘dog brother’. I mean like literally. It usually went a bit like this…
Dog Walker: ‘Oh is this your dog? What’s his name?’
Rhys: ‘This is Bailey, he’s my dog brother and a cocker spaniel’
**Awkward Silence**
So it was with some relief we told him his dream was to come true. Next stop was Nanny and Rando’s (Rhys has always called my dad Rando and it’s stuck, I think the fact that it sounds a lot like Rambo means my dad is quite keen on it as a moniker!) We arrived at their house and armed with the 12 week scan photo Rhys stood in the middle of the room…
Rhys: ‘Listen I have some news’
*mum and dad smile and wait expectedly*
Rhys: ‘Look! I am going to have a baby brother or sister.’
*mum and dad look at Martyn and I for clarification, I smile and nod.*
Queue squealing, hugging, tears and pure happiness and excitement.
Rhys was central to this whole thing, the news was his.
The excitement involved him.
This new baby was as much his as it was ours.
Rhys was involved along the way; never excluded. We took him to come to scans, he came to midwife appointments, we showed him pictures of the baby as they developed and talked about how he would be so important as a big brother.
When I came to pack my hospital bag we also packed Rhys one too, we explained to him what would happen when the baby started coming and what he would need to do. We told him the whole plan step by step; that he would go to my mums and stay there until the baby was born. A friend of mine bought Rhys a top that said ‘Big Brother’ and this was the first thing we packed in his bag.
Sure enough the day came when we needed to go to the hospital and predictably it was 2am. Rhys was woken and the first words out of his mouth were ‘is the baby coming?’ He knew what was happening and what would happen next, this took any fear out of the situation for him I think. He dressed quickly and got straight in the car.
I rang my mum-despite it being 2am it didn’t even ring and there was my mum on the other end.
Me: ‘Mum?!’
Mum: ‘I knew you would be calling.’
Me: ‘It didn’t even ring’
Mum: ‘I know I just got out of bed to check the phone was working and when I picked it up to check the dialtone you were on the other end.’
WOW! Talk about a mothers intuition!!!!
Long story short Seren was born. Our first thought was to call Rhys-he had to be the first to know. Martyn called my mum and asked to speak to Rhys. It was Rhys who got to tell my mum and dad that he had a baby sister and she was called Seren. (Not Sandra Fandra as he’d told my mum we would call a girl! Kids eh?! Hilarious) He apparently put his big brother top on as soon as he put down the phone!
When Rhys came to the hospital to meet his sister for the first time I made sure I wasn’t holding Seren. I didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t run up and give me a cuddle as normal, I wanted him to be able to go over to his sister and say hello without feeling excluded from me. I think this was really important and I would definitely recommend to others. We also got Rhys a present and said it was from his sister. An oldie but a goodie!
Rhys’ involvement continued as we got home, he was never pushed or even asked to do things for Seren but was able to if he chose to. And we found quite often that he did choose to give her a bottle, comfort her and help with looking after her. Not so much the nappies though-he was conspicuous by his absence on those occasions!
I’m not saying we’re prefect but I would say a few things that we consciously chose to do made Rhys’ transition from only child to big brother as smooth as possible. And although they bicker they do really love each other.
Mrs Os Musings 